36: Understanding Your Wants with Priyanka Venugopal 

We all have a tendency to try to solve for internal discomfort like difficult emotions, tension, and stress by turning to external solutions like eating food, drinking wine, overworking, striving for accomplishments, and more. But my guest this week has an important perspective to share about what’s really going on in these moments, and how to shift away from this habit.

Priyanka Venugopal is a fellow Ob/Gyn, and she’s also a deep-dive coach, podcast host, and founder of The Unstoppable Mom Brain. Priyanka has a kind, gentle approach to helping working moms understand their brain and lose weight with more joy and simplicity, but the ideas we discuss today apply to absolutely everyone listening, so listen in and enjoy.

Tune in this week to discover the work of unraveling and unloading everything that feels heavy in your life. Priyanka is sharing the tools that opened up her life and allowed her to experience lightness, understand her wants, and the skills we can all practice to allow every part of us – even the parts we’re not comfortable with – to come to the surface and have a voice.

Habits on Purpose with Kristi Angevine, MD | Understanding Your Wants with Priyanka Venugopal

We all have a tendency to try to solve for internal discomfort like difficult emotions, tension, and stress by turning to external solutions like eating food, drinking wine, overworking, striving for accomplishments, and more. But my guest this week has an important perspective to share about what’s really going on in these moments, and how to shift away from this habit.

Habits on Purpose with Kristi Angevine, MD | Understanding Your Wants with Priyanka Venugopal

Priyanka Venugopal is a fellow OBGYN, and she’s also a deep-dive coach, podcast host, and founder of the Unstoppable Mom Brain. Priyanka has a kind, gentle approach to helping working moms understand their brain and lose weight with more joy and simplicity, but the ideas we discuss today apply to absolutely everyone listening, so listen in and enjoy.

Tune in this week to discover the work of unraveling and unloading everything that feels heavy in your life. Priyanka is sharing the tools that opened up her life and allowed her to experience lightness, understand her wants, and the skills we can all practice to allow every part of us – even the parts we’re not comfortable with – to come to the surface and have a voice.

If you want to learn more about how to better understand your patterns, stop feeling reactionary, and get back into the proverbial driver’s seat with your habits, you’ll want to join my email list. All you have to do is click here!

What you'll learn from this episode:

  • How Priyanka decided she wanted to become a coach who helps high-achieving working moms live lighter lives.
  • The parts of life where Priyanka felt a heaviness and how she discovered a lot of this heaviness was created by her thoughts.
  • The work of becoming aware of and challenging your personal internal paradigms.
  • 3 levels of want that all human beings experience, and how this paradigm leads to overeating, overscrolling, and overworking.
  • The ways we’ve been taught to hide away or distract ourselves from the things that feel heavy and uncomfortable.
  • How to change the habit of trying to fulfill your deepest internal desires using external solutions. 

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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to Episode 36. This is Kristi Angevine, your host of the Habits On Purpose podcast. And today, I'm bringing you another really amazing interview. Today, I'm interviewing a fellow Ob/Gyn named Dr. Priyanka Venugopal. Priyanka is not only a physician, but she's also a coach, a podcast host, and founder of The Unstoppable Mom Brain.

On this episode, we talk about the tendency that all of us have, to try to solve for internal discomfort, difficult emotions, tension, stress. With doing things externally, like eating food, drinking wine, working a lot, striving for accomplishments, or getting more and more accolades. She shares a really valuable perspective about what's really going on in these moments when we do this, and how to start shifting this habit.

As you'll hear, Priyanka has a gentle, kind way of explaining things. If you don't yet listen to her podcast, I hope that after you listen to our conversation today, that you'll go check it out. It's called Weight Loss for Unstoppable Moms.

Through her podcast and her coaching program, she helps ambitious working moms who want to live a lighter life while reaching their ideal weight. But as you're gonna see through our conversation, even though her professional audience is working moms, the ideas that we talked about today, apply to absolutely everyone. I hope you enjoy.

Welcome to Habits On Purpose, a podcast for high-achieving women who want to create lifelong habits that give more than they take. You'll get practical strategies for mindset shifts that will help you finally understand the root causes of why you think, feel, and act as you do. And now, here's your host physician and Master Certified Life Coach Kristi Angevine.

Kristi Angevine: Priyanka, welcome to the podcast.

Priyanka Venugopal: I am so excited to be here.

Kristi: Well, so for everybody, this is my lovely guest, Priyanka Venugopal. And I just probably said her name totally wrong, but she's going to correct us. And for people who don't already know you, and who don't already listen to your podcasts, that they're going to now go follow, can you just give a little introduction so that they know who you are?

Priyanka: Absolutely. So, you said it perfectly. Venugopal. I am an Ob/Gyn just like my fellow friend here, Kristi. And I am a Deep Dive coach, I coach ambitious working moms to really live a lighter life in a lighter body, with more joy and simplicity. So, I would say that, when I think about like what I really do, it's I want more high-achieving working moms to live lighter.

Kristi: Okay, that is such a beautiful statement. And I want to say for all the people who are listening to this podcast, who are not women, who are not parents, and who are listening because maybe they identify as a high achiever. But we know, many high achievers don't actually identify as high achievers, they don't even see themselves in that light.

For those of you who don't identify with some of these things, there are still going to be core messages here that are, essentially, universally applicable. So, you can always sub in anything else for parenting, for weight, for women, because we're talking to you, too, right?

Priyanka: Oh, yeah, I think it's for, really, any human. Which I would say, all of us that are listening here, identify with some parts of our life that we feel heaviness around. And, it could be with your work life. It could be with your body. It could be with your relationships. It could be as a mom or a dad, or as a sister, as a daughter or as a son.

We have parts of our life that we feel a heaviness around. And, I think that there space to lighten the load.

Kristi: We have a topic that we're going to dive into, that I'm super excited about. Yeah, but I'd love to know, just for those listening who are like, okay, wait a second, you're an Ob/Gyn. And, you also do this Deep Dive coaching thing. How did that happen? How did you find coaching? How did you decide you wanted to make this part of your vocation?

Priyanka: I was very, one of those people that, maybe many of your audience identifies with, felt like I had a very good on paper life. Where, I mean if you looked at my life on paper, it felt quite perfect. Two kids, a very loving partner, a beautiful and amazing office, and great colleagues. Like, I didn't have anything that I could say like, this is what I want to complain about.

But I felt heavy in my life. It didn't feel, though it was good on paper, it didn't feel good for me and my body. And also, in conjunction with that, I was almost a little over 200 pounds, at this point in my life. And I remember, I was driving to work one day and really thinking like, what is going on? Like, things are good on paper, but it doesn't feel good for me. So, what is the gap here?

And that was when I stumbled upon a podcast, and I discovered coaching. I started to really unravel and see how my thoughts were creating my heaviness. My thoughts were recreating a lot of the experiences that I had as a mom, as a physician, just as like, in every corner and crevice of my life.

And I think that as I started to do the work, really of becoming aware of what my personal paradigms were, and started to challenge them, which took some work and effort, I started to unravel and unload a lot of those moments of heaviness. And it just opened up so much for me.

I think that that's what really called me to decide I had to pursue coaching. And, it's what led me to become the founder of The Unstoppable Mom Brain, which is my coaching group. And I think that it's just something that really opened up something in my life.

Kristi: I just love hearing that, because so many of the things that you described are things that I definitely experienced when I discovered coaching. Something that, to me, was an industry I really knew nothing about, you know. I mean, being in the thick of being passionate about the evidence based obstetrical and gynecological care, it was off my radar, and yet to discover it and have it resonated so deeply; I had the same experience.

Priyanka: Yeah. And I think what's fascinating, is that I didn't have to hate my work as an Ob/Gyn to fall in love with what we’re talking about. I mean, there were parts about being a physician, that felt very challenging. And I think that, you know, our country probably needs to address. But at the same time, I started to understand and learn like, wait a second, I have some agency here.

I might not control a lot of my circumstances, but I do control the way that I want to think about them. And just that shift, which is where we do our work in coaching, it just elevated. And I would say it leveled up my experience, even as a physician, before I decided to become an entrepreneur. It just changed me as a mom; it changed me as a physician.

Kristi: Yeah, which I think that really highlights that idea that, you know, we talk about a lot. But yeah, you don't have to necessarily feel like you can control everything, or change the entire medical system, or revamp, you know, the soul sucking version of EMR that you might be struggling with, or change all those things for your experience to be a little bit better.

And at the same time, we can still be open and honest about, sometimes there are some circumstances in our jobs that we really don't like, and we can make space for not liking them and wanting them to change. And at the same time, seeing where we do you have the agency that maybe nobody ever taught us how to recognize.

Priyanka: Yeah, and I would say, even especially for women, what I have noticed, as kind of a pattern, is that when we are unhappy with something, when we don't like part of our work, part of our maybe some parts of our relationship, or some parts of being a mom. What we have been taught to do is to hide or worry or kind of, like, distract ourselves from that part of our life. Because we've been taught, like, put a smile on your face, wipe those tears away, like buck up.

And I think what it's done is, over many years and decades, is we've taught ourselves that parts of us are wrong. Rather than allowing ourselves and really learning the skill... I think it's a skill that we just don't know that we get to practice. How can I allow every part of me, even the parts that I don't like, even the parts that might “feel ugly”, how can I acknowledge those parts, let them come to the surface and have a voice? It just is a game changer. It's a total game changer.

Kristi: Yeah. And I do think, that sometimes hearing these things, people might think, oh, my gosh, that sounds amazing. And there's something different about hearing about the theory and experiencing it. At least for me. I remember hearing about a lot of the theory and intellectually really grasping it, was amazing.

But then, it was totally different when I actually experienced it. And then, I could be in my day-to-day life, living from that place of knowing how to allow that space, that you talked about. And sort of like, almost like recalibrate, in a way that wasn't gaslighting of my experience. And felt so much just so much better. You know?

Priyanka: Yeah. And I'm curious, you tell me whether you felt this too, but I remember, when I discovered coaching on a podcast, it changed everything for me. Because all of a sudden, it's like a lightbulb had gone off. Like, oh, there is this place for me to get so much power and agency.

And I did apply a lot of the principles that I learned from the podcast, but taking that next step to get coached myself… Like, I took it from an intellectual exercise, which in my head, I was like, I'm doing it all in my head. But to really get coached, with a coach who held a beautiful space, really helped me with safety and love, challenged my old paradigms. I think that that, really, is where I felt so much of my life start to skyrocket.

I wonder, like, do you feel the same, when you went from like, hearing about it on a podcast to getting coached yourself?

Kristi: Absolutely. Yeah. So, I have parts of me that are super interested in analyzing and figuring things out. I love to learn, like the consummate student, like, I'm gonna read every book on the subject. And those were the most active when I first learned about coaching.

I mean, I pursued training well, before having like, thoroughly like, experienced the power of it. Just because I thought, this is so important, I must learn about this. And later, when I actually experienced it regularly, it was that game changer. So yeah, absolutely. Like there's a difference.

So, I think like, that kind of tees up so nicely to what we're going to talk about today. You know, as an aside, we were joking that we should have pressed record about 20 minutes prior to pressing record, just because the conversation was so good and so fun. And next time, we're going to do that because we need to do a to be continued episode.

But when we were talking about recording things, you mentioned to me that you were really passionate about helping your clients, helping women, helping physicians see that there are oftentimes, deeper wants, deeper desires that they have become accustomed to fulfilling mentally.

For example, like you'd mentioned, like going and getting an A, or an A+ getting a promotion, getting accolades, pursuing leadership positions, and getting them. And from my vantage point, that activity of trying to, cognitively or behaviorally, solve for this deeper, more core desire, is nearly ubiquitous amongst high achievers.

So, let's talk about this. And this habit of trying to fulfill a desire or want from striving, or eating, or busy-ing, can you frame it, in your own words? Because I have a sense of where you come from, but I'd love to hear how you phrase it. And then, we can dive into fleshing it all out.

Priyanka: Yeah. So, I really think about this habit, as you were talking about of filling these deeper wants, which I'll talk about in just a second, as something that served us well, at some point, which is why turned into a habit. And I know, just from listening to your brilliant podcast, this is something that you talk on, every habit that we've ever created, served a purpose at some point.

And what we get to do now, is we get to decide whether we want to shift from that subconscious behavior to consciously deciding; I wonder whether this is serving anymore? So, what I like to think about, for any human listening to this, is that we have what I like to call “three wants”, three levels of wants; there's our mental wants, there's our heart wants, and our soul wants.

And I would say for most high achievers, we have been very practiced and trained by society, by school, by every movie, probably by the family that you grew up in, by the vocation that you've chosen, to really strengthen our mental wants. Which means, you might be someone that really loves getting the gold star. You love getting your boss's approval; a good job, a high five.

You really want that guardian or that parent figure to say, I approve of you, or I'm so proud of you. Or, the A+ on the test. Or, if you're taking board exams, or step one, two, or three, you want like, the 280. Apparently, there's higher numbers than that, which I didn't know about, but there's like, you know, the real like, the A++.

And, what that has done, it worked well because it really pushed us forward. Right? We started doing really well in school, we started getting you know more in our line of work, but it also has come at a cost. And that cost is, it has somehow blinded us or dampened us from seeing our heart and soul wants.

And I think, without realizing it, what we have been doing for many decades, particularly if you overeat, overscroll, overconsume, overwork, we are trying to use those mental wants to fill our heart and soul needs. And so, the way that I think about it is, if you're my client, you'll know that I've said this to you; when your body's not hungry, she never wants food.

So, what is that urge all about? Right? That Friday night, the evening plopped down, it's what I call it, you plopped on the couch and ooh, I would love some cheese crackers, a second glass of wine. When your body's not actually hungry, and you're not that, what I call, your “yummy hungry level”, it's not actually food.

And what we have this opportunity to do, if we're willing to pause on eating the cheese and crackers, if we're willing to pause on that second glass of wine, is to really ask ourselves; I wonder what it is that I'm truly wanting here? And when we do this work, this practice, what we get to learn is; oh, my heart wants to feel love. Or, I want to have attention. Or, what I call my soul wants, as; I want to feel recognized, or validated.

And what I would say, is when we learn the skill, which is what we get to explore in coaching, of offering this to ourselves, without our partners, without our kids, without our bosses, without the gold stars for filling these needs. We get to become self-sufficient and reliant on ourselves, to recognize ourselves, to validate ourselves, to connect and love ourselves, our need for the chips and the cookies, naturally starts to diminish. I mean, the chips and cookies, they pale in comparison to filling those deeper ones wants with your brain.

Kristi: So, I want… Gosh, there's so many pieces here, that I am imagining somebody listening to this. And I want to encourage anybody listening to press rewind; I think repetition is so useful. Because, I think someone listening to you may hear 50% of that, and the other 50% could be missed. So, please go back and listen to that, because it was really, really full of lots of things.

And, there are two parts I would love for you to elaborate on. And one is, the offering it to ourselves. This, you know, basically, the piece that we really are actually going for, instead of whatever it is that, you know, we think that the, you know, the cookies or the wine are solving for; how we do that.

But before we do that, what I would love to, is when you're talking about sitting down and recognizing; okay, here's that, like, I've plopped down. I've got that urge; I want the cheese and crackers and the extra wine. And you mentioned pausing and asking like; what do I truly want here?

I'm picturing somebody who, this is maybe a newer concept to them, being like; what do you mean? Sure, I can pause for about 10 seconds, and I can ask myself, what do I want here? The first answer is going to be like, dang it, or expletives if you’re in my house. I really want the salt, the savory, and that second glass of wine. It's amazing. And that's actually, that's what I want. There's deep pleasure there. I want the soothing and safety with that pleasure.

So, what do you mean? Like, what do I really want? How does one, maybe do that? Because we get it intellectually, we're all like, oh, really what I’m looking for is calm, or relief, or safety, or love. But how do you do that in the moment?

Priyanka: So, I would say that, first of all, to really give yourself permission to have the chips, the cookies, and the wine, if you really want it. And, I think that that's probably for a separate conversation. Because what we do, especially when you're trying to lose weight, or lose weight with more ease is really what I like to focus on, is we are fighting our desire, right? We want it, but we can't have it; I want it, but I can't have it. And that creates a lot of fatigue, which eventually crumbles.

And so, I think that that's probably for a whole separate podcast conversation...

Kristi: We’ll pin that, and do that.

Priyanka: We will do that. But you know, to really think about, it's okay, like to really be, of course, I want the cheese, the crackers, the wine, because of course, it creates pleasure. Of course, it does. And that's okay. But what we're talking about, when we really think about that tangible moment, I think there's probably two layers to this.

The first one, is to start learning how to anticipate. So, in advance, not just in the moment, but like, you've heard this podcast to know; okay, every evening, this week, there's going to be that moment that I'm going to want something when my body's not hungry, for example. Or, I'm going to want to scroll my phone, when really my body is desiring sleep, right?

There's going to be those moments, every evening, or every day, and I can just now know, that that's a part of my routine, and how do I want to engage with myself in that moment? But when you're in that moment, that tangible, you take that pause, and you stop for the 10 seconds, and you go; okay, my body's not hungry. It's not really food. I wonder what it is that I'm truly wanting?

If you hear your response in your mind to be like, it's the chips, the way that I would recommend like, tangibly giving yourself just some space to explore that, is to actually respond with; it might be the chips. But if it wasn't, what might it be? And all we're doing is we're playing, right? I want you to imagine that you're playing with that like, little four-year-old. Who is saying to yourself like; I want the chips. I want the lollipop. And, you’re like, of course you do.

And like, if you didn't want them lollipop, like what else might you be wanting? And this is a hard question. So, I want to preface this by saying, what I'm saying is, it is a hard question to answer only because we have not answered it. We're really habituated to eating the chips. So, we haven't answered. So, what else could it be? We're talking about stretching your brain, right? So, it will feel uncomfortable.

Kristi: Yeah. So, that is just an amazing way to frame this, in the sense that it sounds like there's like two main pieces to this. There's the, anticipate this might come up. And of course, you said this very clearly, but I want to emphasize, we're not demonizing like, chips or cheese or wine. We may choose to drink, and we need to eat. So, those are the things. But if those are things you may be desiring when your body isn't hungry, and it's solving for something else, this is where this comes in to play.

And then, when you can anticipate, like you said, and then ask yourself; if I was going to be intentional about how I engage with myself, what might that look like? And know that, sort of like, that's in your back pocket, leading into the Friday evening plop down. And then, to be able to tap into some curiosity and be like; I'd love to like, I wonder what I'm truly wanting? And yes, it could be the chips.

And of course, that makes sense. But if it wasn't that, what might it be? I think that taps into that sort of, the part of us that wants to know more. And it's so soothing, because it's not saying; hey, to the part of me that just really wants this, there's something wrong with you. And, you should really not want this. It’s saying, of course, you do. Beautiful. And, what else might be here?

It's almost like a dog whistle that saying, anybody else out there hear this? Anybody else trying to say anything, in this moment, about what else might be going on?

Priyanka: Exactly. And what it's doing is giving that deeper want, a voice. So, when you're saying; okay, of course, it might be the chips, but if it wasn't, what might it also be? Your deeper heart and soul wants, which have been really ignored, or buried, or quiet for many decades, is just getting an invitation.

Because like, you're opening the door and you're welcoming in a deeper desire that, maybe has been shushed for a long time. Okay. I just wonder like; do you want to just come on in and tell us what you want? And now, whether you honor it or answer back, that's not required. But at least you get to know, I wonder what my heart and soul actually wants.

Kristi: Okay, so that is… And then, if we take this to the next step, let's say somebody does this. Like, listening to this right when it comes out, and they do their Wednesday evening plop down. And they want to do all this, and they want to take that next step. Because they hear, let's say, they say; hey, what else might be going on for my soul, for my heart, these other desires? Like, emotionally, what am I trying to solve for here?

And they hear some possible answers, and they're in a state where it makes sense, you know, whether they eat the chips, drinks, regardless of that, to offer that to themselves. What might that look like to offer it to themselves? Because it sounds really great, right? I'm just gonna offer myself psychological safety and love. But what could that look like on the couch, when, you know, you could walk 10 feet and get something like, physically, viscerally, pleasurable?

Priyanka: Yeah. Right. So, I think it really depends on what you hear. Like, what is your set of thoughts, what is your heart and soul actually wanting? But I think like, a specific example, that I hear coming up a lot is I deserve a break. So, a big one, Wednesday evening or at the end of your week, when you're working really hard, you're probably juggling a lot of balls, multitasking ninjas…

Which is what I think of as like, high achieving humans, is multitasking ninjas. We’re doing the work thing, and the kid thing, and the after-school activities, and all you are really wanting is a break. And we've just equated that with food, or alcohol or the scroll. So, that's the habit; it's been filling a need, which is I want a break.

So, when you ask yourself in that moment; hey, if it wasn't food, I wonder what it is that I'm wanting? And you hear; I just want a break. I deserve a break. You get to ask yourself, like, really think about what that looks like for you.

So, for some people, deserving a break might actually be that they just want to be recognized for how much they've been working. So, you know this is you if you're waiting for your partner to like, applaud your ninja skills. If you're waiting for someone to recognize how hard you've been working. Like, you want somebody to appreciate you, like; thank you so much for handling the kids. Thanks so much for emptying the dishwasher. Thanks so much…

If you want somebody else to recognize what you're doing, that is one type of… It's like a soul want, of wanting to be recognized. In that moment, you can do that for yourself. Like look at you. How amazing that you just handled the laundry, you took care of the kids, you like, save that patient's life. Look at you go. How amazing is that?

And I think that we have a tendency of kind of blowing past that. We think it's not very significant, we want somebody else to recognize us. But when we learn how to do this piece with significance, you will feel appreciation and recognition in your body.

So, you stop needing your partner to recognize all the things you're doing around the house. Because you learn how to recognize yourself for doing all of those things. That's like a specific example with, you know, I deserve a break, or I deserve to be recognized; is really what that one is.

Kristi: Yeah. And I love that you've discussed this in the context of, this is a skill that you can learn. It's not something that the first time you try will be, you know, executed, you know, just seamlessly without any objections. You know, the objections, I'm imagining people are like; well, it feels great from somebody else, but it just feels kind of like self-aggrandizing for me to say that to myself, or it feels silly.

Or, maybe I'm just like, maybe I'm just being kind of wimpy. I don't need that recognition. So, why would I…? All the little chatter. I think like, the parts that are uncomfortable with that change, we can say yes, absolutely. You know, building this new approach with myself. Yeah, it's gonna feel a little bit, you know, awkward, and, new, and unusual, and that’s okay. Because you may need… To build any skill, right? You need repetition.

Priyanka: And even like, what you just said, this part about like, if it feels like self-aggrandizing, or boastful, it just shows, it might just reveal to you that there's a part of you that was taught many years ago, that that's wrong; to want to be recognized. And this is where I think coaching, and like what we're talking about, peeling it back layer by layer, is so incredibly valuable.

Because there's a part of us, all of us, as humans, that want to be recognized. And what if it wasn't boastful, or arrogant, or self-aggrandizing? And what if it was just the kindest thing that we could offer to ourselves as a gift, on a daily basis? And imagine if we started to do that, as a skill, as a practice? What might it solve for, in other areas of our life when we stop…? Yes. Oh, yeah.

Kristi: Yeah, I have some clients that I'm thinking of right now, in my mind. Who, sometimes they love giving to others and giving gifts to others, but the idea of gifting themselves something is like a little bit much, little bit like, why would I do that for me? And I'd say, if gift is something you're uncomfortable with, it seems a little bit much, you can say, just as sleep is essential, and hydration and food are essential, what if it's not, doesn't have to be a gift?

But what if it's just like these other ways that we nurture ourselves, to add this, you know, self-validation, you know, I'm noticing and appreciating myself? Not as something like, that you do, just because you're in a really privileged position, and you can. But as an essential thing, just like breathing. So, for anybody who has the objection to gift, you know, like, that's what crosses my mind.

Priyanka: Absolutely. And I think that it's also like, just imagine what it might be like to still go and seek your gold stars, and you're A+, and all of the amazing achievements that we want. But from a place where you're already full of… Really, like, your heart and soul wants are like, deeply met.

Imagine how you would show up to go and achieve all of the big things that you want, if you weren't chasing the external piece to validate yourself? And, you were just self-validating? I would say and this is just from my experience, and what I see with my clients, is you start skyrocketing these other areas of your life, because you're not relying on them to fill those deeper needs.

Kristi: Oh, absolutely. And what crosses my mind, as you say that is, then those parts of us that really do enjoy striving, enjoy, you know, stretching and going for big, you know, big bold goals. You're not demonizing those and being like; oh, I can't do that. You're like; no, thank goodness, you've been so like, exquisitely skilled at this job and this aspect, and please, continue. Do all the things. You do a great job managing that department, so to speak.

And also, we don't have to do it for this one reason. That reason for self-validation can be filled. And you can also, continue to go do these things just because you want to, and it's fun.

Priyanka: Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that it's important to also just like, reiterate that, I think that we sometimes think that; I should know this by now. Or, I should already, you know, somehow it should be like a natural thing that we do. And, I want to just debunk that. I think that this, what we're talking, about is a skill. And it's okay to put forth effort and practice in this skill. And, let it not be a natural ability.

Whether it takes you a month or a year or many, that it is worth pursuing with effort and practice, because of what we're talking about. It's just a way to start to fill yourself up. And I think that one of the last things that I want to say around letting yourself uncover it, is it only happens when you're willing to take a pause on the chips, on the wine, on the scroll, on the overworking.

And that is the moment that you will feel uncomfortable, because you're not answering with, you know, with the food, with that immediate dopamine hit, that immediate pleasure. To let yourself be willing to just be with yourself there, knowing it's uncomfortable, to uncover, to open the door, to really hear what these deeper wants are.

Kristi: Oh, that's so great. And I love that you normalize that learning these skills is an ever-evolving process. You know, before we started recording, we were talking about, for ourselves, how there are things that we quickly intellectually grasped, applied at a certain level, then realized, oh, gosh, I have thoughts like I should be further along. And then, we revisited, reapplied, and it's always a skill set that we're refining, and we work on all the time, too.

Priyanka: We're not like, broken. We're not damaged. We don't need to be fixed. It's really just starting to allow those parts of us, that maybe we have hidden or ignored or kind of pushed down, we're just letting those parts come up again, and surface, and make their desires known and okay. And we're just recognizing parts of us that maybe we haven't before. So, I think that that's probably the biggest thing, that there's no fixing, because we're already whole. And we're just uncovering the parts of us that we didn't always pay attention to.

Kristi: As much as I don't want to end this, and we need to do more episodes in the future, I think that's a perfect note to end on. And so, for the listeners who have heard this and thought, okay, I really want to hear Priyanka in my ear. I want to work with her, personally. Be in her group. How can they find you after they finish this episode?

Priyanka: Yeah, so you can find me over at theunstoppablemombrain.com. And I have some fun resources if that's something that's interesting to you. Or, over on my podcast, Weight Loss for Unstoppable Moms.

And I think that, like Kristi, the work that you're doing, and you know, what we're talking about putting out in the world, is really to help all of us just deepen our understanding of ourselves. Unravel our habits from this place of curiosity and understanding. I think this is like, really everything.

So, I'm so glad that I got to come on here and talk with you about it. And I can't wait for you to come on to my podcast. We're gonna have you on and we're just gonna have a whole conversation. It’s going to be so good.

Kristi: I think we just need to have rolling conversations. And record them and share them, because this has been like, it's just so fun for me, and I know everybody listening has really enjoyed it, too. So, thank you, so, so, so, very much.

Priyanka: It's been so good.

If you want to learn more about how to better understand your habits, stop feeling reactionary, and get back into the proverbial driver’s seat with your habits, you’ll want to join my email list. Which you can find linked in the show notes. Or, if you go to habitsonpurpose.com, you’ll find it right there.

Thanks for listening to Habits On Purpose. If you want more information on Kristi Angevine or the resources from the podcast, visit www.habitsonpurpose.com. Tune in next week for another episode.

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